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Absolution.




I don't know how to feel right now. I am fine on my own path and always being here when I'm wanted and/or fucking needed. But I don't feel anything else from when you decide to entertain yourself for an hour. I made things clear and I guess one day you'll come around but for the moment I have to focus on who I am. That's the current path and decision.


I make my decisions for me,  not for you, not anymore. I have my own path to follow. Some days it includes you, other days it doesn't. I just have to decide the one day I want it to involve you completely but you have to fucking earn it first... 


...and we aren't there yet.


I shouldn't feel sad or have to try this fucking hard to have you in my life. You either are or you aren't. I'm getting back to a fucking place where I'm fine either way. My life doesn't change anyways. I'll still love you... and want you... but I'm good at walking away. As you pointed out I've made a lifetime of it.


I miss you and I don't like you coming in and out of my life. I have made it exactly clear where I fucking stand. And while I don't mind waiting, I just hope one day I'll be validated by emotions and this won't just be a game for the rest of our lives. We deserve better. Even if it's not with each other.

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