Gotham by Gaslighting II

I can’t believe that you’ve actually admitted to the gaslighting behaviour. It’s not an apology but it’s a start. I know that you think about things and you don’t discount everything that is said to you. You are the most interesting person I know and there are things about you I both love and hate. But we are getting somewhere. And maybe things will change. Maybe they won’t.

But our battles are done. And that little bit of validation? I’ll take it.

I’m happy with my little place in life right now, and more importantly at peace. Things my change and I want the two of you in my life more than anything but I’m good where I am right now. I’m waiting on you to figure out the next step. I’m good at waiting. I’ve done it all these years. All I know is I’m happier when you’re in my life and we aren’t as damaged towards us as we used to be.

Niagara Falls is home. With or without you this is my my home. Everything that’s important in my life is here. I need to seriously consider that long term. I’m waiting on you, but I need to face the reality that this is where we should stay.

We might not be happy, but we’ll be happy together. That’s all that matters. And I do like it here.

The only reason I left it because I couldn’t deal with the pain of being so close to you... both fucking times.

This time we will figure it out.. I don’t care if it takes five years or forever.

You aren’t and have never been the worst thing in my life... and I think whatever we have left has value and I think you are worth fighting for.... so I’m going to. That has value too.

Current Mood: Hurting.

Current Music: The Things We Believe In, Orden Ogan

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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