Skip to main content

The Devil in I

 


I don’t know what I am to you anymore, the one thing I know that I am not the ultimate evil in you’re life and I haven’t been for over a decade, there’s always been something bigger than me lurking, I was just always you’re favourite target because we are a fine balance of love and hate, passion and pain, that’s where we still are now... you can’t decide whether you love or you hate me based on our shared past and the lack thereof of the years we should have had.


At the end of the day my only victory is that you no longer hate me, but I was never convinced that you ever did, I can be the boogeyman when it’s needed, the big scary monster that pushes people away, but as much as I’m the Constant in you’re life, what exactly do you think you are to me? 


The exact fucking same. I am not you’re devil or you’re demon and I never have been. Trust me, if I wanted to be you’re nightmare I could have been.


I am not something you can use as a shiny diamond to taunt others with. I have an interesting life because I choose to. The things I do should and will eventually happen with you, but that’s on you... you need to grow up first. I’m long past this high school shit you are still dealing with.... 


Fucking guy won’t kiss you on the mouth and treats you like shit and I have a ring waiting.... I’m not the fucking one in need of forgiveness anymore and you goddamn well know it... I’m not cruising the gutters trying to replace you.


There is a reason for that.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more