Skip to main content

48.




There was a reason I was trying to make this year special. But i guess it just wasn’t important to you. But you made my 24th one of the happiest memories in my life I wanted to do the same for you for 48, but I guess it wasn’t to be. You had more important things to do and as usual I’m just a fucking afterthought until you come back when you need or want me.


You’re my greatest failure and biggest victory, my worst enemy and my best friend. My greatest battle and my worst defeat. Of course it’s always going to be young and yang. Light and dark. Good and evil, between us. We can never know balance. One of us will always disappoint the other. Especially when we actually need each other. 


But I fucking tried. I’m still trying. I wanted this year to be different. But you continue to make you’re fucking choices. And that is you’re right and you’re decision. Just because I’ll always be here to land when you fall, it doesn’t mean that I have to like it. I just won’t be doing any epic things to try and get your attention for you’re birthday agian... I did try.


I will always try and you will always ignore it. That’s the value I have to you.


Happy birthday anyways. I love you. I know it’s not one sided not anymore. Just complicated.


I really wish you had came last night. That was meant to be you’re birthday gift. 


There is no anger or bitterness anymore. Just disappointed. I tried. I will keep trying till I trust you again. But one day I will be beside you to celebrate you’re birthday and to wake you up with a birthday kiss.


I’ll always be here. I do love you. Constantly.


Just guess it’ll take you more time.


Happy birthday.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more