Excommunicated III: Hip To Be Scared.

Let’s get one thing out of the the way… I don’t need anyone in my life. And those that play fucking games and cost me money over and over again will be excommunicated and removed from my life without a secondary fuckin thought. I have bigger things to worry about and bigger dreams and responsibilities than to deal with bullshit. I have stepped away from people I love and am closer to than you and I have ever been and I’m sick of the fact that you keep manipulating and lying bout doing things that affects someone I care about. This is not the first time, but you know what they say about three strikes.

I’m not going to be someone’s fair weather friend just because I can gain a momentary advantage on doing things… umm no, I am plenty fine finding and doing things on my own. Look at all the events I’ve done solo. And the one I should have done last Saturday by myself. But no, I let friendship and loyalty be more important to me.

I think some things are meant to die, it’s just the slowly rotting on the vine bullshit that gets to me. I’ve had plenty of knives in my back so when I can feel another approaching I just get defensive. And right now that’s why I’m feeling, it’s time to protect what’s important to me. If that means another long term friend falls by the wayside, that’s ok with me.

The system we had is broken and I’m sick of thinking that I’m able to fix it, I’m just going to do things on my own and for my own… and no fucks given. I have real ride or die friend’s that have always been there. I don’t need to keep throwing away money to repay someone who treats me like an afterthought.

Real friends stab you in the front.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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