Skip to main content

Parallel



I kind of like this idea of being your emotional support animal and having you play with my hair. Our lives haven’t changed that much. They have just adjusted parallel to deal with all the things in our lives. We have unfinished business, that’s for certain but we also have a child together and that’s not going to ever change no matter how old he is.


We have choices that  we have made, and we live separate lives even if they run parrellell but I am not sure that our end game agendas match. I am going one way you’re probably going another.


I can turn it off and stop giving a shit easily because that is the animal you have turned it into. I have a life that you just run parallel to. If you are not actively involved in my life you don’t need to be there. You make the choices with that, not me but don’t complain and call when I’m living my best life without you  or the eventual moment when I will be unavailable to to you again. It’s coming. I’m not going to spend my life alone miserable waiting on you to make a decision.


I have not forgotten how you destroyed everything that was important in my life to make me dependent on you, multiple times…but somehow I never crawled back asking for your help. I’d rather suffer in silence, alone. Than to ever give you that power.


Now you’re life is falling apart and you’re crawling to me when you need emotional support, it’s funny how that worked out isn’t it? When I needed you, you weren’t there. Now that you need me, you get upset if I don’t answer the phone call or if I’m in a bad mood.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
Post a Comment
Read more