Welcome To The Chaos

I can’t keep listening to you go from crisis to crisis without having an active hand in. These late night calls are just you needing whatever and it needs to change and evolve into something better or it needs to fade back away to nothingness. I can’t give fifty percent, I never could. You never wanted that anyways. But now you are choosing to be the chaotic one, when that was supposed to be my role…

One day I will stop caring. It’s getting to be apathy now. You made you’re bed. Now lie in it. I’m not fucking there. There’s a good chance I will never be there. I’ve made peace with that fact. Why haven’t you?

This is the life you forced upon us. You’re decision not mine. And now you have a lifetime of regret? Guess what? I have none. Not one. Ever. Anything I ever did I did it for the right reasons. No regrets. No remorse.

I don’t need or want you’re validation the same way you seem to crave mine.

There are moments that are cute and have meaning. And that little bit of daylight shines through, but I still can’t trust you… and that’s the whole part of it. It doesn’t matter any other emotion, it’s about trust.

My reality is that I am good with or without in you in my life and I am moving forward and doing things with the assumptions that things will never be the same and we will never fix this so I’m going back to the life and things that used to make me happy. I’m willing to change things on a dime but I don’t expect to. Not anymore.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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