Long live the King

The more I think about things the Angrier I get. And I know that I’m the good and noble one in this relationship. You have attempted to destroy me multiple times but you never could. I’m just damaged. But I always come back. You only damage yourself now. Because I will stop caring. You’re actions your decisions. You know the only reason I care is when they affect me. I can’t fight you anymore, so I will flee before you kill me. That’s who I am.

A true king would hold his head high and treat you the way I used to. It’s you’re own complicated headcase that is the only reason that we aren’t together. It’s just gotten worse over time and I am hurting.

But I am also a prideful man, and I don’t back down to anyone the least of all you. I’ll take a crown of thorns and be the fucking villain and sit on an iron throne before I’d ever let you continue to act the way you have without responsibilities in your life. It’s time to grow up. Just like I had to. The fucking hard way. Before it slaps you in the face.

Agian.

I’m done pretending I’m anything but a good and honourable man. Even bad kings had good souls once. Just because I am the foundation of you’re entire life doesn’t mean it won’t crumble into stone one day, I just hope we find our moment first.

I am getting frustrated by the hot and cold and I know it’s your own emotional turmoil in you’re head. And that you’re not ready to grow up and face reality just yet. I just try to be patient and wait for the right moment but the right moment is running out of time.

One day I will decide to completely walk away and be done with it. I’m standing still in my life for other reasons and responsibilities that don’t include you. But it’s getting harder and harder to stand still and face those responsibilities as well. I have no back up in this world and there are other options out there and other places I could be.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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