Long live the King

The more I think about things the Angrier I get. And I know that I’m the good and noble one in this relationship. You have attempted to destroy me multiple times but you never could. I’m just damaged. But I always come back. You only damage yourself now. Because I will stop caring. You’re actions your decisions. You know the only reason I care is when they affect me. I can’t fight you anymore, so I will flee before you kill me. That’s who I am.

A true king would hold his head high and treat you the way I used to. It’s you’re own complicated headcase that is the only reason that we aren’t together. It’s just gotten worse over time and I am hurting.

But I am also a prideful man, and I don’t back down to anyone the least of all you. I’ll take a crown of thorns and be the fucking villain and sit on an iron throne before I’d ever let you continue to act the way you have without responsibilities in your life. It’s time to grow up. Just like I had to. The fucking hard way. Before it slaps you in the face.

Agian.

I’m done pretending I’m anything but a good and honourable man. Even bad kings had good souls once. Just because I am the foundation of you’re entire life doesn’t mean it won’t crumble into stone one day, I just hope we find our moment first.

I am getting frustrated by the hot and cold and I know it’s your own emotional turmoil in you’re head. And that you’re not ready to grow up and face reality just yet. I just try to be patient and wait for the right moment but the right moment is running out of time.

One day I will decide to completely walk away and be done with it. I’m standing still in my life for other reasons and responsibilities that don’t include you. But it’s getting harder and harder to stand still and face those responsibilities as well. I have no back up in this world and there are other options out there and other places I could be.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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