Know your enemy II

It always surprises me when trust is a factor in my carrer that it is becoming a one way street, i am an afterthought when it comes to work, pays not in yet and i cannot continue to live like this hanging on to every fucking day until the paycheque comes in, it would be one thing if i had options or shifts coming out of my ass, but I need to pull out my firmly established roots and fuind something better to do, I am planning to fucking travel this summer and in a few weeks, if i'm not scheduled i'm going to windsor for a week and i'm gonna fuck off to toronto for a few days too, now that the nice weather is here ther eis no point in sitting around doing nothing all week waiting for that one shift just before i have my kid, i'm gonna make myself a little less availible, of course it seems like other options may present themselves soon so until then there is a good possibilty that i need to enjoy my life instead of being miserrable, because the only one making me miserable is me. I was happier when i had less... it's the choices i make and the fact that i have some sort of misguided loyalty that allows me to volunteer for bullshit always on call... i'm gonna start being unavailuble... rather than sitting at home all day doing nothing but watching 300 channels, and nothings on.

Current Mood: Depressed.
Current Music: Know your enemy, Green Day
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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