There is No I in Team.

The frustration continues, at least i finally got my vacation pay so i can pay my rent. However i am feeling seriously used at the moment by a lot of people esp. at work, I am not fuffling my career goals anymore at my present employment and it is getting worse instead of better, at this point my constant need for a paycheque and my connection to my clients is the only thing keeping me there, interactions with certian staff are becoming almost robotic and rehearsed esp. when they are late with pay, i guess after a year i should be used to this nonsense but i am still frustrated. it doesn't help when someone i used to love is yapping about money and not focusing on the things that are important like little mans upbringing and educational needs.. but that's par for the course, nothing new with little miss jecykl and hyde, nice one moment nasty the next. as long as i make a diffrence in my son's life and in my clients i can leave this world fuffiled, i just wish the things in my life didn't come with the supposed vow of poverty i've never agreed to be taking. i provide for my son, but i don't have anything for myself right now. hopefully that will soon change.. this weekend should be fun tho. he's reading comic books at the libary agian and he's so happy, so maybe having him around all weekend will lighten my mood and this wall of futilty i feel surrounded by will eventually crumble down. his happiness lightens my mood and makes me feel better. let's see what the future brings.

Current mood: Frustrated.
A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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