Skip to main content

The Conjuring


Why is it the one person I hate and loath as much in this world that i can about someone I once loved seems to be the only person reaching out to me and being accommodating at the moment? Even tho it may be false pretenses she seems to currently be the only one that understands what I'm going threw with a lack of any income and living merely day to day the way her and I used to back in the good bad old days, i can't live like that anymore I'm no longer that young... but the fact that she understands my need to see my son on fathers day and is accommodating enough to even bring him into town speaks volumes and erases just a little of this darkness cloud that hovers over my head... Of course there's always the little quote from my little man that bother's me some, about her loving me a little bit.. i can't tell what that's all about but when she shows her rare random acts of kindness esp. when all i see in my life is anger and darkness directed at other people it makes me wonder... not enough to go back to her, but just enough to be confused about my path in life and if i should take a step back into Niagara and just give up on hopes and dreams career wise, I don't know, i guess i never will.

Current Mood: Conflicted
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...