Skip to main content

Rage Agianst the Machine..

Not in a good fucking mood, first off i get an early morning call asking me exactly what's going on with some of the things i can't fucking afford yet re: regarding court... and as much as i am trying i have to eat i have to keep a roof over my head, I left a fucking message a month ago regarding everything and apparently it fell upon deaf fucking ears because no one was listening unless it's a time when it is actually fucking important to someone... other than me, because it's only my sanity and my child's well being on the line.. but I'm the great big evil one so it's alright... even tho I AM AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN FUCKING INNOCENT... and it's not my little innocent soul that has been twisted into a million pieces as a result of all of this.. I swear i wish i had been charge and they had attempted at a conviction, they would have been done by now.. stupid fucking cops, stupid fucking government, that's not even the best part of my day or month because finding help for same said little broken soul has not been easy and I know that the other part of the equation will do little to the fucking minimum in regards to any of it.. and i get bullshity answers like we do not do this type of service, the other party needs to contact, oh and the best one of all, I need a referral from a family doctor... yeah because that's going to happen without a court order... people are fucking idiots... this shit was easy to find when i was working with other broken and dismantled kids because they were wards of the fucking state but the minute it's my own child and i'm trying to do the best job i can to get this information, i am refused on the basis of being the wrong parent, it's very fucking frustrating to find that there is nothing out there.. and if I am having the same fucking issues even finding information about this kid of counselling I can imagine what the vengeful village idiot has not even bothered to do.... oh and to top it all off i got ticketed for smoking in a public fucking place because i wasn't 9 metres away from a bus shelter... i'm sorry occifer... i wasn't standing in the middle of the road playing chicken in a public place in the fucking rain, taking a confidential phone call that i left the warmth of a bus to take... i'm also sorry that because of the rain and my haircut i was wearing my long black oilskin coat and a bandanna today.... so i just happened to get off the bus in the wrong end of fucking town, fuck this city.. with everything that has happened since 08 i am seriously considering leaving it... i came here for a job, and what i got was my fucking life destroyed... and even tho i haven't been in trouble with the law since 1996 i still get treated like a fucking criminal in this city? i will hold and stand my fucking ground for as long as i can, but i am getting to the point where there is only one reason i put up with all the nonsense and garbage and shit that I do.. and that's to be somewhere accessible to my son, it's easy to run away than it is to stand and fight... but sometimes that green mile is so damn fucking long.

Current Mood: Frustrated, Pissed Off.
I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day, ok. And I am never fucking quitting! I don't care how many laws they make. What's the law now? You can only smoke in your apartment, under a blanket, with all the lights out? Is that the rule now, huh?! The cops are outside, "We know you have the cigarettes. Come out of the house with the cigarettes above your head." "You'll never get me copper! I'm never coming out, you hear? I got a cigarette machine right here in my bedroom. Yeah!"

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more