War For Cybertron..

It is one thing to deal with assholes and the politics of these assholes at a toy convention when all i am doing with it is trying to support myself and make a daily fucking wage... but when i am getting pressure to sell by someone who is and always will be a boss and an aquiantance and nothing more, because the friendship thing is not likely to ever happen and then come home and have issues over having stuff that i move daily for big bucks is getting to me.. there is too much bullshit in my life regarding other things.. it is organized and it is my living area.. I am getting fucking sick of the nonsense at home where i do nice things and help out and spend entire days wasted to only get shit on when i take a day for myself to make some money or to deal with my friends who are buying stuff off me... it's rather frustrating to have to deal with rules constantly changing and constant complaints.. if it continues i will be apartment hunting, i need a safe place for my kid not to be a monthly income and a prisoner in my own living quarters...I've been thru that once recently, it's not fucking likely to happen agian... just getting fed up with the world, and the worst thing is she knows there's a nest egg and there is money put away for something very important and that needs to be dealt with, but there is the constant guilt trip around when she needs help, i'm not the husband and i'm not going to keep being involved in the household if their are constant mind games, i have no problem moving on.. it's all I've ever done in my life.. i have one permanent emotional attachment and anyone else, I can take it or leave it with them being in my life... especially someone who at the end of the fucking day is a landlord.

Current Mood: Frustrated.
The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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