Another's Set of Eye's.

Regardless of who or what I am or am not, It is disheartening to know that I am not the only one hurting this time of year and I wish i could so much more to be fucking supportive, Our lives and decisions are our own, but i wish the fates and the circumstances were different so that things would work out better and the innocents affected by all of this wouldn't have such a difficult time, while I may have moved past the long night of anger and depression most of the time it still simmers and i can see traces of that in another person's eyes because the wound for her is so much fresher, I've learned to live with it, like a scar that will never fucking go away.... but she shouldn't have to and it's frustrating to see it.... this isn't the way the world is supposed to work, one day i will meet my maker, I will be brining ammunition and I will be asking questions... and he will be brought to task for the answers... history should not even remotely repeat itself, and worse children should be with both parent's on the holidays, no matter what. i may be damned but i embrace that willingly, I have chosen a darker path for myself most of my life and it has been my strength even in the darkest of hours, but that it not everyone's choice... there are innocent souls here, the one's that matter, the one's that shouldn't know the darkness, the little boys on both sides of the sets of eyes i saw through today are just that innocent's, children that should have both parent's in their lives without all the strife and conflict are the only one's being denied... not me, but it is not very easy to see the pain in another's eye's to remember once, that was me... when it was fresh... and it fucking sucks to see someone i care about going thru the same kind of pain... i wish that i could take it all away... make it the way it is supposed to be, but that has never been the ongoing story of anyone's life, especially ours.

Current Mood: Sadder, at peace with a lot of my demons.
I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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