Skip to main content

Another's Set of Eye's.

Regardless of who or what I am or am not, It is disheartening to know that I am not the only one hurting this time of year and I wish i could so much more to be fucking supportive, Our lives and decisions are our own, but i wish the fates and the circumstances were different so that things would work out better and the innocents affected by all of this wouldn't have such a difficult time, while I may have moved past the long night of anger and depression most of the time it still simmers and i can see traces of that in another person's eyes because the wound for her is so much fresher, I've learned to live with it, like a scar that will never fucking go away.... but she shouldn't have to and it's frustrating to see it.... this isn't the way the world is supposed to work, one day i will meet my maker, I will be brining ammunition and I will be asking questions... and he will be brought to task for the answers... history should not even remotely repeat itself, and worse children should be with both parent's on the holidays, no matter what. i may be damned but i embrace that willingly, I have chosen a darker path for myself most of my life and it has been my strength even in the darkest of hours, but that it not everyone's choice... there are innocent souls here, the one's that matter, the one's that shouldn't know the darkness, the little boys on both sides of the sets of eyes i saw through today are just that innocent's, children that should have both parent's in their lives without all the strife and conflict are the only one's being denied... not me, but it is not very easy to see the pain in another's eye's to remember once, that was me... when it was fresh... and it fucking sucks to see someone i care about going thru the same kind of pain... i wish that i could take it all away... make it the way it is supposed to be, but that has never been the ongoing story of anyone's life, especially ours.

Current Mood: Sadder, at peace with a lot of my demons.
I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
Post a Comment
Read more