Looking Back in Anger V: Army of One.

Another year, At least this time I am more focused than I have been, Stupid distractions weighing me down in the last year.. it has to be only about my goal, it has to be about him, without him i will always have angry dark red burning in my soul an emptiness that is as if something has been taken away, I am used to this war, it hasn't ended, not for almost ten years...what little happiness i can find right now has always been tainted because of something missing and it's time for that to be my only persuit, while i may have interesting things in my life, sometimes those things also cause me anger and annoyance, and sometimes people I should not be involved with get selfish and jealous, you'd think i'd be a better judge of character, I was a much angrier much better person when I held the world at bay and let my temper and my anger and my emotions control me... maybe it's time to go back to that... may i should just let the fire inside become the main part of me and go forward this year and use that anger, the hate, the darkness in all of the parts of my being as the fuel i need to survive, the fuel I need to win this war... It's only been ten years, it will not be twenty. No more distractions, NO more people i thought were my freinds stabbing me in the back for an advantage... I don't do power struggles I never have, and one thing that will never happen agian is some other person thinking she has power over me, girlfreind, wife,roommate or landlord... i am my own person and one thing i have always been is an agent of choas, it's time to show more of that side of my personailty agian, it's time to do some damage.. it's time to use the darkest parts of me to fight for the brightest spot... that's all that fucking matters now.

Current Mood: Angry.
"War." Gorgon spits the word. "That is what they call it to give the illusion of honor and law. It is chaos. Madness and blood and the hunger to win. It has always been thus and shall always be so.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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