The War XVIII: Just When You Think You Have All The Answers, I Change The Questions.....

I would give anything to be the fly on the wall when you get what you are going to be served with in the next week or so... Just because i have felt the fire of the heat from your hell doesn't mean you can't feel some of mine now... there's a reason i'm very patieint and I plan every chess move carefully...I'm not a creature of anger, fear or impulse... just like you with your slow knife that took years to twist it's way inside... i'm the same..3 years of your hell i have endured, with your every trick along the way to stall the game.... i'm not afraid of you, or the courts, or the system, I'm not the one who used a dark part to create an even darker future... the only diffrence is.. I only change the game when it is needed, I only upset the applecart and put you on the advantage when it is my advantage too.. otherwise it's much easier to let you doom yourself... you do a good job of it.. but I will always keep my trump cards close to the table and my vest... a wise man never shows his hand until the game is about to be done.. Espically when he's about to win... I'm sure i just threw a curveball and there will repercisions but this is a game.. and for that little boy's soul... I'll do anything I can to win.. it's both irony and vindication when I can use your own words agianst you, and possibly even you yourself... this is a chess game and i have always thought two moves ahead but certain recent events have be unexpected... even for me.. but then agian you should no me better... I'm a fucking mercenary, and I have nothing to lose.. I will do whatever it takes to win... whatever it takes to end the game..... we have been playing this game for far too long and it is only about your jealousy and selfish needs and your revenge for a slight i have never understood in ten long years what I did to you.... then agian this late in the game i don't need to know what it was.. Only what you've taken away from me.

Current Mood: Determined, Depressed
You don’t throw rocks at a man with a machine gun.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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