The Last Black Christmas II

Everyone thinks that “I'm happy and fine on this Christmas Eve” but look a lil closer, you will see tears in my eyes.

I am happy and surrounded by loved ones, and there are reasons to look forward to the new year, but something is still missing and that's not right, I Swore a year ago that this wouldn't be another missed Christmas and there is something hollow inside me that can't be filled by anyone or anything I do... there are positive things in my life over the last year, but it's still a empty holiday without him, At least I got to see someone else open some neat presents by proxy and will be celebrating my Xmas with family tonight, but it fucking sucks that once again I have to do it alone... again, four years is a very long time, it will not make it to fucking five.. Merry Christmas Son, I love you. Santa brought gifts under the tree just like he does every year, they will be here when you get home.

Current Mood: Sad, Sick.
Current Music: Motorhead, End of Time.

Just becuz we dont have together on this Christmas, doesn’t mean we don’t love each other, Miss you a lot and Merry Christmas.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog