The War XXVIII: Mind Games III

Sometimes you have to pick the gun up to put the Gun down.

As fucking Usual the standardized bullshit and games continue, and i get a polite little fucking answer that even tho you were required to pay your half under extreme duress in advance, Mommy dearest who is fucking responsible for causing all this hell in All three of our lives get's to make a nice quaint payment plan, Newsflash, I'm not the one under court order to pay the balance, She is.. I am getting sick of these so called fucking professionals who play word and mind games and i have always thought that due to having a prior relationship with a person, you can't be impartial and I strongly fucking suspect that this person will not be an impartial observer, highly recommended maybe... but we all know how well that works out for me.. I'm better off being an asshole and doing things my way. Any time i trust someone else to have my intrests or my son's intrest's in mind.. it fucking backfires. i am sitting here angry after getting a pert little comment from someone who I do not trust to the fact that maybe she might pay, she has two contempts on record and a history of taking her time slowing down the court because she likes to play mental mind games.. I had the payment in august 5 months ago.... it's more stall tactics it's more Mind games and it's more bullshit.. I'm getting fed up. my son should be home this holiday, i shouldn't be waiting another six months to a year before the courts decide he can speak for himself... I'm sick of fighting an uphill battle. i'm sick of fighting completely actually. but it's something that has to be done.. until my heart stops beating or i'm dead in the ground, one or the other.... and I know you can't kill me, Jennifer.. you can only Try.

Current Mood: Angry

Each day of war takes us farther from all we could hope to be or do. We gain nothing but heartbreak, and lose everything we cherish. Our lives erode and diminish, our children see no future except a calendar of anguish and death. Our only hope for tomorrow is for peace now.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog