Unfinished Business.....

I respect your... conviction; the lone man who thinks he can make a difference

On the 19th it will be four years since my Life ended and the Cold war became an Intense fucking battle For my Life, my career, My sanity and my son's soul... Four years of hell, it's time for me to be the person i used to be and use the skills and knowledge i have to get back into the workplace and no longer be an angry burned out shell of the man who I once hoped to be, there are things still missing in life that i need to attend to but i have a little bit of time now and the freedom to return to my old life at least in a career aspect, I am almost forty years old it is time to become the functional person that i know I can be... the system requires change and it has to come from within, no matter how much I have anger and hatred for the system, I entered into this mission almost 20 years ago and it is not something I will easily walk away from, No matter the damage that has been done in my personal and professional life, it's time to return, it's time to be me. the answer is simply that while i have many diverse skills, man of which i have used to keep myself afloat the last few years, I have one adult dream that has only been left half fulfilled and at this point of my life I need to go back and accomplish the goals I need to get done.. this is and always has been a war with the system and deeply personal, But i have understood since i was 14 years old that the only way to make change is from within the system, and regardless of any personal battles with former loved ones and the system, The war against the system is not over and it still needs to be fought from within, It's still only about making the difference In one child's life, right now It's about making a difference in my child's life, he need's a father with a good job and a career, and there is only one thing i am good at, and only one thing I was born to do.. this is it.

Current Mood: Determined

Another man's evil does not make you good.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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