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Nuclear Winter.

I must fight with my weapons. Not her's. Not selfishness and brutality and shame and resentment.

This battle in this long cold war is about to either be over or truly fucking begin, I have little to no faith anything is going to change in my life other than I will need to fight yet another hopeless battle in court and while I will be in the right , if the past is an indicator nothing will fucking change.. It will continue to be a battle. A battle I am prepared to fight, but it fucking saddens me on the day that mine and lives will change for the moment, irrevocably that the fucking reality is, i look over my fucking shoulder, and my allies are few.. those that said they had my back are nowhere to be found, and the only thing keeping me moving forward is strength of will, strength of character...I've always known that this battle would define who I am and define the friendships and loyalties i have to people. I never thought it would also define his life as an adolescent because for more than half of his life i have been at war with mother... actually that's not true.. all of his life i have been at war with his mother.. I've known you fifteen years yesterday Jennifer.... when i picked up on that street corner I never fucking imagined that a generation later you would have used my past on both and me and my son to destroy us.. that being said, you did exercise the nuclear option and you have played games the whole way thru, this is either going to be an absolution or the opening salvo of a bigger battle, A bigger war... I don't ever expect it to be the end of hostilities.... i do not expect it to ever end... and i expect to be fighting this battle alone... forever... there's a lot more than my fucking soul at stake here.... I have grown cold, Just like you have.. I have grown old, just like you have, the only things left to slip away is the rest of my boys childhood... my heart has grown cold except for that one small spot.. the spot that continues to wake me up everyday and says, let's get ready to fight, let's never back down, even when I'm feeling fucking broken and destroyed, I know that it's merely a flesh wound in comparison to what you've done to him... his mental health and you're so called reality is not something he should growing up in, there has to be a counterbalance... there has to be someone who had the end of the day had his best interests at heart, that's the only thing that matters... I stand and fight, Alone if I have to... Even After the Apocalypse... Welcome to Your Nuclear Winter... this May Not be An End, But it is the beginning of your End. I might have to make my fucking stand against the system because it's always been against me, Am i surprised? I have never been, I have fought the system Longer than I have fought you, and the sad fact is that you are fighting alone just as much.... No one's going to risk their career staring down a case that is at the worst vapor trials.. I've stared down Cops and The Government on more than one occasion, and i don't see them standing with you at this point... The outcome I fear, But Never You, I will never fear you, the only thing I fear is my son never coming home, the questions he will ask that i don't have answers for if he does. I just hope when He does find me, that he knows I never gave up, that I always fought for him, No matter what.

Current Mood: Determined, Sad, Angry.
Current Music: Stratovarius - If The Story Is Over

... because a fight's worth nothing if you know from the start that you're going to win it. It's the ones in between that test you. They're the ones that bring questions with them.

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