The War XLIX: Pyschological Chess II

War doesn't decide who's right...only who's left,

...And then the other fucking shoe drops, If i couldn't have been any more fucking miserable than I already am, i make a phone call this morning and find out that the Psychological chess game has started in earnest again, and point blank telling someone that It's going to be another year till i see my son because someone is an expert manipulator of the system, I honestly have serious frustrations with everything In my life, i mean this fucking cunt has turned my life into shit for fifteen fucking years and i don't even get my day In court? I'm fucking wish that this had been a criminal charge, i would have sat in jail for two years less a day and did a fucking handstand because of all the sins I am guilty of, this is the one I did not commit, And thats been fucking proven. I will go to hell for my own reason's but never for this. I don't have much left rattling around in this empty bone cage of a chest except the fact that there is a little fucking spot of hope that's buried somewhere deep beneath all the black, that little red bit of blood in the black hole of my chest, the Only fucking thing that matters to me anymore. All I want to do is fight.... but i am being denied that...

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: A soldier, Tom Dice

All I want to do is be a good father to my son and show him the world in ways in which I never even thought existed. But I am being denied that. Nick Coombs 2005

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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