Pain is a byproduct of life. That’s the truth. Life sometimes sucks. That’s true for everyone. But if you don’t face the pain and the suck, you don’t ever get the other things either. Laughter. Joy. Love. Pain passes, but those things are worth fighting for. Worth dying for.
Ten years ago today I made a choice to put someone else's life ahead of my goals and dreams. It's ridiculous that I am still fighting the same battle that I was then, just to be a part of his life... I left everything behind to do it and while there are tenuous ties to who I used to be, the only thing I truly define myself with anymore is being his father, being his dad, and if I have to continue to fight this war I will. It's just fucking ridiculous that I have to, she knows exactly what I sacrificed to be there, more than once.. But it didn't matter, because nothing matters, that's who she is, a child should be more important than both parents not a fucking possession, but then agian I was treated like one when I dated her, something she could control, now she can't (not that she ever could), of course she's gonna do the same to our son. One day he will know the truth, that I promise you. It's pretty sad that I have had to give up everything that once mattered to me to end up with nothing, but something else was more important, always will be too. Dates and numbers have significance and one way or another this will end soon. It just should not have taken ten years post university to reach this fuckin point... This is not what I had in mind when I made the ultimate sacrifice, but this is what it is, so as usual I deal with it, as always. It's not about me, it's never been about me, and it will continue to not be about me, just like it was never about you, only him. it will always only be about him, win or lose, no matter who stands behind me or does not...the only change is going to be very soon I will know who has my back and who has only ever paid it fucking lipservice... but i am ready for war, and I'm prepared to show your darkest hours and side.... you've already supposedly seen mine... yet you haven't seen anything yet, wait until five years of anger and five years of missing him and pent up emotion come out, then you will have truly seen the darkest side of me. Prepare to stare into the void and see my fucking face, I am the monster you Created.
Current Mood: Depressed, Determined,
As soon as men decide that all means are permitted to fight an evil, then their good becomes indistinguishable from the evil that they set out to destroy.
No matter how strong, for a human to fight a monster means he has submerged his humanity and transformed himself into a greater monster.
You can't change anything unless you can discard part of yourself too. To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity.
It's all right to be afraid. You just don't let it stop you from doing your job
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