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The Road Behind…


I have spent my life never looking back, just going to adventure to adventure. That’s who I am. My life ain’t perfect but it’s mine. There is a moment I should have slowed down and appreciated what was on my table but we weren’t ready yet, maybe one day we will be. But for the moment I’m doing the same old things and living my life with no tommorow.

Honestly I never expected to live this long, so when I can escape my responsibilities for a moment? I’m gonna run to the things I always said that we would do together. Sadly all these concerts and epic adventures I’m doing alone.

That being said I have a crew of friends I see at every show  and I have never really not had one foot in the grave in the Toronto metal scene, which is funny as I haven’t lived there in almost 30 years… I was in the old neighbourhood from 95’ tonight. I felt no attachment.  

I don’t look back. I don’t think you understand how hard it was for me to look back in 2002 when I had accomplished everything I needed to in Niagara except for you, and even more so when you wanted me back in your and his life in 2004, you are the only time I looked back. I move on. I don’t go back to the places that hurt me and broke me. But I’m always willing to go back to you. 

But it’ll always be on my own terms. Till then I’ll live my own life my own fuckin way. I have my people and you have yours. Mine are more solid btw. 

I shouldn’t take the annoyance calls and let your voice affect my heart. Logic says otherwise, and I’m a force of fucking nature. If I decided to end this farce and just move on I would be somewhere else, I already am someone else. I’m not that boy you fell in love with once, and I am defiantly no longer the man that you attempted to destroy. I’ve evolved. Probably past you. But I have hope. I’m not sure why. It’s a killer. 

Patience on the other hand? Not so much. That’s why I just keep doing my own thing and having a spectacular epic fucking time doing it. It’s not always you I wish was beside me at some of these events. 100% tonight I would have wanted my son in the bar. Not you. It wasn’t you’re speed but I think he would have fuckin enjoyed it.

And that’s why I really look back isn’t it? That’s you’re entire hold on me, the relationship I don’t have that you cost me. I’m not angry anymore, but the start stop and hot cold has me being apathetic. 

I don’t look back. Ever. Only for the two of you. Haven’t you realized that yet? 

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