Skip to main content

:-) :-) :-) I'm Happy :-) :-):-)


I am probaly going to sound like a marxist but the cure for boredom is work, wait.. I am a marxist... lol. anyways, a good morning at work led to a few more hours today so i have just enough time to update the blog and go back to work... so i'm pretty happy about that and things are indeed changing so this is a very good sign, i'm liking the direction my life is taking me i just need to expand on my adventures and things I want and need in this life and not let the depressing crap or a slow day get me down, i'm starting to think about some of the influnecnes in my social circle and who needs to be no longer there... i have some good supports but there are some toxic elements too... i think i get dragged down and get depressed more when i am hanging out with said toxic elements so maybe i should rid myself of them, the last few weeks have revealed I am happier when they aren't around... of course i haven't been drinking or hanging out downtown as much.. this is probaly a sign of the toxic elements i have allowed into my life that i need to wean myself from.

Current Mood: Happy.
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...