Happy Fucking Birthday.... 36....

Another year closer to the grave, this is one of the worst birthdays i have ever had, of course Most of the damage is self inflicted as i haven't bothering with the world this week, just sitting at home and hardly doing anything, I have basically made the choice to ride the positive buzz from the weekend where i found a moment of peace and solace as long as i can, at least at home in my house, in my apartment i know I have security and Nothing can change that for the moment... I can let the days and nights melt together and I can just be me.. it sucks being surrounded by mementos and trophies of my previous life, but then again it's going to be the last birthday spent like this... I will either be somewhere and someone else this time next year or things will be back to normal by next year... I just can't stand the fucking waiting... 2 years ago.. i was at a tigercats game and wwe with him, and he got presents...and now I am just empty....I am sick of being a hollow shell just moving forward every day of my life waiting for absolution.

Current Mood: Sad.
There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog