Skip to main content

I Hate....

Another day where there Is nothing going on In my life and I am just fucking waiting, wanting something to fucking change.. and it isn't I am spinning my wheels... I can see light at the end of the tunnel... i can feel that things will one day eventually change but i am trapped... I feel so fucking small.. and it does not fucking help that everything is so complicated that The small things that mean the most are the things that hurt the most... when someone knows exactly how to make you bleed that's how they turn the screw.... Another year of nothingness.. more waiting, less patience.... I am becoming someone else... the best and most bitter parts of my soul are just spinnging their wheels.. there's no point in doing anything except looking down into the void, and making a choice to let it consume me... or wait upon the precipice waiting.... I'm sick of being angry, I'm sick of having nothing to lose... I'm sick of hating everything around me and staring at four walls and a funeral, I'm sick of being hungry.. I'm sick of being manipulated into choices that have one by one destroyed my entire life.. like a master chess master at a game.. guess what bitch, stalemate... it's your move and you don't have one....

Current Mood: Angry, Depressed.
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...