Skip to main content

ASM: Book Ends.

It's interesting to note that at this point of my life that certain thing's are being noticed in my life.. when i graduated the first spider man came out... my last happy date with a girl that mattered was when spider man 2 came out in 2004, that was almost immediate before i knew that I was a father. and then at the end of my current battle, i go and see ASM 2 alone, when there is a gigantic hole in my chest and i know that someone who should be beside me isn't... it's time to fix this problem, it's time for the pain i feel to be inflicted on someone else and turn the tables... there is no malice in my heart but it's time for someone else to feel the fire and know what the battle is when it has been brought to them, almost ten years till my life changed.... the days are counting down... i'm waiting for the fire to burn hot enough that everything i have felt every day for the past three years burns you too... burns you away.... i can dance and laugh in the fire... it just makes me sweat... but you.. I will gladly watch you burn in your own gasoline... it won't be just me he grows up to hate... that's on you. if my epitaph was written tommorow, he would know i fought and never gave up.. this blog would serve as my epitaph.... and my last will and testament.. because i am a man, at my core i have never changed exactly who I am... and that man bleeds for him and will never give up. no matter the cost...With great power comes great responsibility. that's exactly what fatherhood is... nothing more...

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: Eminem, Legacy
There is nothing more naïve or less precious than an innocent child. Sadly though, the inevitable will happen, that child will grow older and with age comes awareness. They will learn that not every situation is within control, and that sometimes you lose. Darkness often rises and with it, good falls.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...