Skip to main content

Para-Noir II

I wish I still had the energy to hate you, it would at least make the fucking pain go away... But once agian all I feel is fucking broken. That's my life. I will always mourn the love you keep pushing away. I loved you with all my heart and you destroyed me and made me an empty shell. It's too bad I don't have time for anger and hate now. I've made my peace without having you in or out my life. I just wish this wound didn't hurt so bad even after all this time.

I could have done without the last year emotionally but it was important for my to face the reality that you have never been far from my fucking heart, no matter what we outwardly have shown to each other.  Our souls are connected, and broken.  Maybe one day, but not today.

I don't know why I keep staying up every weekend staring at the phone expecting to hear you're voice... I was over you, I had walked away, I made my fucking peace with all this. Why the hell does it still hurt so fucking much? You tricked me, why did you make me fall back in love with you? Oh that's fucking right... I never fell out of love with you. You are my soulmate,and the love of my life. That won't ever change.

I just hope the sacrifice I am making right now is worth it. I didn't think there was anything missing in my life other than the obvious till you came back into it. I was wrong and im terribly sorry for that. I need you, probably as much as you needed me all these years. I'm trying babe. Things have changed. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
Post a Comment
Read more