Skip to main content

Pride III: Regret.


I think the thing that bothers me most is the fact I provided for someone else's family when my own needed me most and I was cast aside when the money ran out. If I had been upfront and honest about things five or six years ago I almost wonder what the end result would have been. I have always regretted not buying you you're ring in that moment, or trying to make peace and amends. Anger and bitterness are horrible things and always come back on you a thousandfold.... But I wasn't ready I guess. I guess I needed to have the experiences I did before my world would make sense.

I just know I don't want anyone else's family but mine and I don't want to be anyone else's father but his. I tried that. It didn't take. I was used and thrown away like garbage after sacrificing everything I was at the fucking time. I have no interest in going back to that with anyone.

I hate the fact that I am a proud man when I could call or text this last Saturday night and see how you're doing, but because you're ignoring me I'm choosing my moments carefully because I don't want to be a nuisance, or ever make you seriously angry at me agian, I have had enough of that in my life. I'd rather suffer in silence, it's probably what's best for us.

When I need to make my move I will. It won't be long. I just need a few more seconds.

Current Mood: depressed


Current Music: Civil War, GNR

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more