Operation Mindcrime IV: Stalemate.

I don’t know what your agenda is and if there even is a fucking endgame to all this. But I know that I am starting to feel like I’m just here to be an emotional support animal. You aren’t the only thing in my life that is important. I don’t need the constant mindfuck. I’m happy and busy being alone. I truly am starting to not care and that brings its own sort of freedom.

I’m trying to play an old rusted out chess game with you, but the pawns are missing and we have established that you’re queen has emerged victorious now it’s just 32 moves to stalemate.

And that’s what you can’t stand. I stopped. I made the war end. I’m at peace. You are not. That’s my victory. And you hate that I have in some mall measure won.

That’s why the constant mindfuck. Yet lately all you trigger is apathy because all I have to give you is the fact that you are a very effective distraction but it’s getting easier and easier to separate the emotions I have for you and deal with this logically. It probably sounds cold, but a man can only be treated like he is Disposable and replaceable for so fucking long.

I fell out of love with you once, it can and will happen agian. ESP when at the end of the fucking day all you leave me is with questions and concerns.

This king is still standing. And I will never let the black queen achieve ultimate victory.

And that’s part of the mindfuck, neither won and neither of us lost. You can’t handle that you dealt me the dead man’s hand and I survived, more than that I thrived. Made something of myself agian while I danced in the fire.

That I’m not a broken man bugs you to no end. You couldn’t win. I wouldn’t let you. That’s all you want is to win on you’re terms. But I very much control the narrative now, and you know what the endgame and the prize on my end is…

But you haven’t earned it yet.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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