Poundcake Pipe Dreams

There were at least 3 songs tonight that i could have and would have popped out the ring out with. each of them had significance. but we aren't, and possibly will never be there yet. Our lives are drifting apart again and what was once important to me in regaining, is now becoming an afterthought again. I am happy and satisfied with my current lot in life and just being in orbit isn't enough to make a big sweeping change. i will be there soon to keep my fucking word but i have no expectations. but it would have been nice tonight to ask during why can't this be Love or or when its love.

sorry babe, they didn't play hot for teacher. But we aren't ready regardless. one day ill just find another moment. but tonight? might have been a nice moment. first time i regret not pursuing you harder to come to something with me.

then agian, just like whatever i am in your life, you are an afterthought in mine... i just thought of you a lot during some of our love songs, But its still meaningless...

unless something changes, if anything ever does. all I'm saying is that there was a pretty moment available... but we aren't people for pretty moments are we? we are a fractured Fucking fairy tale where the best we can say about each other is that we are the least worst options in each others lives long term.

it still would have been nice to ask you tonight, just to see what you would say. i thought of you a lot. but you weren't at my side, so whatever pipe dream i had, it was just an illusion. but it was a nice thought that one of these songs could have been the one.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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