Skip to main content

Dyer's Eve.


I have started feeling that I like angry and determined Bones more than i like being happy, it seems like the only I am truly happy is when I am with my son or with the boys at work on a good day. any other time it's just an alcoholic haze to dull the pain of emotions inside, i'm trying to burn out before i fade away, but it's time to put all that way, If i am going to accomplish what i need to do in this life I need to be clear and have clarity of mind, my anger has always been my greatest determination and my determination has always been my greatest weapon.. it's time to go back to that mentality... One mindedness without distraction. I am sick of the way things are done, I am sick that a restraint is the only acceptable option when someone is being disruptive, i'm sick of the fact that these kids don't have shit in the way of property, I'm sick of the fact that the only supposed option when a child decides to throw a weak punch is to call a police officer, what is that going to teach? Fear? Fear of society? Fear of Me? Fear of the System? I'm sick of the fact i have allowed to blind myself so i can ignore things around me.... yes i need to fucking Move on, but i think before I do that it's time to start fucking speaking up not just for my own sanity and self preservation but so that things change, I cannot play Atlas bearing all this shit on my shoulder's for the rest of my life, it may be my cross to bear but i don't think I can do it... Silently anymore.

Current Mood: Hostile.
Current Music: Godsmack, I Stand Alone. "Themesong for my Third year of College."

Always Censoring Their Every Move
Children Are Seen But Are Not Heard
Tear out Everything Inspired

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...