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Youthanasia


I am getting extremely pissed off and frustrated by the system, Apparently not only in addiction to my vows of silence and poverty in this field, i have to be fucked around by organizations when it comes to interviews, nothing like having an interview rescheduled to a later date and then about a week or so later, having it canceled by them, it's a good thing i was having second thoughts about sacrificing my weekends again or I'd be really pissed off, I don't think anyone has any vision in the child welfare sector and the homes and other services are merely warehouses for damaged and forgotten kids, no one really gives a shit about them, we are merely doing our civic duty preparing these children to be further institutionalized either in our mental health care system as adults or in our prisons... it's not about who has the best skill set it's about who works cheapest, no wonder there is so much abuse within and without of the system, there are very little checks and balances, maybe i should go back to school and be a teacher, as much as I loathe the idea, at least i know that even the most useless teacher can make more of a difference than i seem to be making, why do I continue to search for the holy grail that is Toronto, it;s not like i need to distance myself more from my child.... i am honestly considering my options right now and all i see and feel in field is darkness, when one stares into the abyss for far too long the darkness creeps in and one becomes as one with the darkness, I am slowly losing the fire inside and it's is bothering me. maybe it's time to decide what i want out of the rest of my life in terms of a career, maybe it's time to do something else. i have other skills, I am a writer, i am a poet, i am a musician, i am an artist, I can be a teacher, i could do something with history, i am still thinking about taking off to Windsor to find myself for a week or two, but i think that's more about finding the peaces of me that i am missing, ever since Windsor i have not been the same person, I am too willing to accept things now instead of being angry and willing to make changes to these things.it's time to change that.

Current Mood: Frustrated
You didn't want us anyway
And now we're making up our minds
You tell us how to run our lives
We run for youthanasia

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