Your Ontario town is a Burial Ground III

The love hate relationship with hamilton continues, i went and had a good night in hess village and am a little less worried about money. I still see the world in shades of all black, there is just so much wrong here and i feel the leaves are turning black and inward towards and in on me, there is so much i still don't understand i was made for better things than being a jester in hess village... i can do/be better than this, all i can feel even after all night in the bar scene is despair,I think i got a vewiw of something else last week and now that things are crumbling i'm just waiting for the axe to fall and release me from indentured slavery. i am burning out with everything that I am doing, it explains the alcoholism that seem to enjoy to indulge myself in. I think i'd rather be jim morrison rather than diyonisus... but then i remeber he Died a lot younger than i am now, i have my reasons for staying alive. i have a whole world to show him but after this weeks events i am considering the fact that the energy in this ontario town is not something i want to subject him to for much longer. When i am having trouble finding reasons to feel, is that really the enviorment i want to raise him in?

Current Mood: Nothing.
Current Music: Your Ontario town is a Burial Ground, Woods of Ypres.
Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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