You Can't Go Home Agian....

I often wonder what my life would have been like had I stayed in Windsor, I have so much more here to appreciate in my life then i do elsewhere, and the whole fact is that I come home to visit and have no judgements, people welcome me with open arms and I feel comfortable and secure here... I made it here on my own, It's hard to look back and remember these things because the truth is.. unless i choose to run away completely from what my life is now, this is a memory, a nice place to visit but so much has changed it would be sacrificing a great deal of the person I am to return, Much like i sacrificed a great deal of the person I was when I left Windsor in the first place, absence my make the heart grow fonder, but i am a ghost here and a ghost there.. i am trapped between the life i should have had and the life i never wanted.... I can always look back, but sometimes all i see is nothing.... This should be my current status not faces in a rear view mirror that i sometimes come to visit when i want to be myself again, I know why it was taken away and why It would be difficult to return, but that's still the most important thing.. but as the days slowly come to a close on visit there is going to be serious consideration in the near future to returning here.... here this is home and I'm not a stranger.

Current Mood: Nostalgic
The past is strapped to our backs. We do not have to see it; we can always feel it.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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