Skip to main content

Dead Memories...

There are constant reminder's that this used to be my life and it isn't now.. it's sad when i see old friends and old places and wonder what things could have been on the path not chosen, but i look at other people and friends and understand that even if things had been different we still would have moved on and grown apart, but that's cool... i'm not hanging out in the past and trying to recreate what was... I am much more comfortable knowing in my own skin that i could return and start a new life same as I did ten years ago....i have roots here, people that i care about and people that care about me...I have some options here and elsewhere and unlike elsewhere it doesn't feel like i am slowly moving backward in my life.. i am respected here and I Have something here that can never be taken away, good or bad the friends and colleagues i made here were on my own merits not because of anything, i didn't limit my social life to one person and I didn't care what others thought of me.. out here i Truly lived my life possibly for the first time... and of course someone else took that away.. but as long as i don't let it affect me i can always return.. in fact i never should have left....I didn't know what i had when I did, I just knew things were more important on a higher level but I could return here in a moment, unfortunate over the last few years i have lost sight of that.... my anchor is here... it's the way it should be... a part of my soul remains every time i leave.

Current Mood: Sad
There's much to be said for challenging fate instead of ducking behind it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more