There Goes The Neighborhood....

it is very clear to me that I have followed the wrong path in choosing to leave Windsor, This is my place, this is where I am supposed to be, the darker parts of my world don't exist here and that's the way it should be, i have to give some serious consideration to returning, there is a house with a room for both me and my little boy and there are opportunities here, maybe it's time to push and get my life back in order instead of letting the deceiver manipulate things to the point where she once again controls my life... she left once, she should never have been allowed to return to stab me in the back, when i look on the wreckage of my life it is not from here, It is my choices and my decisions alone that defined that... but maybe the possibility of healing is the choice.. to return home... and that's what this place is.. there is no past and no destiny for me here.. only that which i defined, not anyone else....and i am still the master and the determinator of that destiny.... this is Home... this is where my happiest memories are, and this is where I should be... only one thing prevents that, and that is the love for my son, but if it comes down to it.. I will make both realities work, i never should have sacrificed one for the other, This is Home... but my Heart resides Elsewhere.

Current Mood: Happy, but Sad too.
Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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