He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask) II

I am Home, this place is where i am most comfortable and there are things I would change if it was possible... I am happiest here, and it may have taken a little while to get back into the groove but given a choice this would have been the Final Destination, But that wasn't how it has played out so I merely deal with what has, I am happiest when i have the wind at my hair and a guitar on my back and I'm hanging out downtown on Oulette with the wild and crazy street matching my own personality and just playing guitar and being happy with myself, It was here i came of age, here where the walls i had surrounding myself came down, here where i made peace with myself, I blurred the lines between Bones and Nick here and became a better person because of it, the good thing about being here is I am myself again and I am reminded of Who and what I am without any of the baggage that comes from The four walls and a funeral of my lives in Hamilton and Niagara, when I am here I am truly me, I stand alone on my own merits, No one judges who i am and where I've been.... I don't have to deal with negative nonsense and certain expectations here...here it's not about the story it's about who I am who I have proved myself to be.. to be real to myself and others, i don't hide anything about myself but up here... I am skin and Bones...I am Stripped bare...People know exactly who i am. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not and don't have to deal with the fact that my world is Crumbling because I'm not surrounded by it every day and yet I have to wake up with the passion and strength to fight every single fucking day... here i can just play my guitar and be me.. coming here was a good decision. I will Miss it when i return and It will take some careful soul searching over the next few months to decide where my path will ultimately Lead.

Current Mood: Happy.

And when man faces destiny, destiny ends and man comes into his own.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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