He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask) III

I am Comfortable here, this place has always been more home and the only place I ever put down any real roots... my friends are here and non judgmental and I can do what I want and need to do out here without having to answer to anyone other than the voices in my own head.. I should never have left, when i lived here i was an individual and I did what i wanted to, not any preconceived notion of what path i should follow... years ago i changed that to be the role that is the most important but at this stage in the game if i can go back to what i was years ago it's worth consideration, it's not going to be an overnight decision but I am thinking that rather than standing still in Hamilton I can be moving forward here, University is something she can never take away from me... and if i go back and take a course and try and get into the third year of the program i actually want to be in after getting that course, she can't take that away either.. I am seriously considered a possible return full time to Windsor once everything get's sorted, i can see a future here... In Hamilton, not so much... one it's about being where I want to be.. but two... if everything is going to be stripped away from me constantly anyways... why not do it somewhere without a past, somewhere i belong... here I exsist, Just me.. no history... No judgements... I have proved the man I am here on my own merits... their is no bullshit attached to muddy the waters and drag me down.. and that's the way it always should have been.

Current Mood: Determined.
The last I heard from my destiny, it wanted me to make a legal U-Turn at my next opportunity.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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