Skip to main content

RAGE.

Yup, Another day And I'm still angry... I should not have to spend my days busking in sub zero temperatures so I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, or Sacrifice by selling items bought for me and my child's enjoyment... it will hurt tomorrow selling his Thomas table, but the reality is that he had fun with it and he has outgrown it long ago... and I can't recover that lost time..it has been taken away, I'll just make it up to him for his birthday and Christmas this year... I am downsizing for a reason, If and when I make a choice to walk away I won't have lingering reminders of my former life here in Hamilton... That days not coming but It is always an option...It is always my choice to use this Anger and Rage to fight for the things I believe in, and the people I love instead of letting it destroy me...I don't know at this point what i would do without the Anger...it has it's uses...it helps me Survive... anything. At this point It drives me to get the things that need to be get accomplished.... I don't hide it and I don't behind smoke, Mirrors and illusions, It's always about who I am, And I have always been Angry.. I just let the rage like a knife get dulled for a few years... but it's back.. and it has returned with a vengeance and even when i have peace this time In my life and I am left with just another bloody victory even after all these tears have been shed, this time the Anger and Rage will Not be forgotten.

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: Within Temptation, Iron. (the war is Coming Bitch.)
Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...