Skip to main content

25 to Life...

I am becoming more and more aware that i am a fucking prisoner In my own life... while My actions may have created some of it, My upbrininging also comes into play, so long before I met the love of my life.. (and regardless of the hate you still are.) and long before i even wanted a child I was damned...it doesn't matter who or what I am now.. In the eyes of these so called professionals all i am and All I ever will be... is damaged goods.... corrupted and poison... I'm sick of trying to justify and fight, more money down gutter drains of no where... I was never charged and I am an innocent man, it's so fucking hard with these smoke and mirrors and no fucking accountabilty from anyone to get anything done, esp. when one on the end of the spectrum is delibrately stalling and playing games so nothing ever gets done.... it's all a game.. a game I sick of fucking playing.. soon i will stop caring and a part of my soul will finally die... I can never let it get to that... but i'm trying so damn hard to keep up hope when all the world gives me is fucking black.

Current Mood: Depressed, Determined, Angry.
Current Music: Iron Maiden - These Colours Don't Run

Living off the grid and being kind of an outlaw brings a dangerous reality.

Every man is his greatest enemy, and, as it were, his own executioner.

If we were all to be judged by our thoughts, the hills would be swarming with outlaws.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...