Skip to main content

...Without Return...

There is No question, I am damned... I will end up in hell... However I will not end up there alone or take any innocents with me... the guilty will be punished on levels lower than I could ever aspire too... I just embrace the fact that I was born damned and that my entire life is leading up to an eventuality and an expectation of Hell... It can't be any worse than my current fucking life.. i embrace the desolation of the pit and the flames... It seems like right now my best and only way to fucking function is in seclusion where I don't deal with people... I spent most of the last week not dealing with the outside world not so much because I was sick but because I had decided to close myself off and take a break from the world.. sometimes it's seems this whole goddamn world is a prison and imprisonment for who i was another lifetime ago, I can't escape my past but i will escape you... Interesting to note you had a birthday the other day and it didn't even register... I didn't even think of you... my emotions for you have grown from love to pure unbridled hate to once again apathy, but realistically their will always be a simmering pit of emotion and hate towards you in my all too constant of late empty stomach.. I do hate you, I will enjoy seeing you in Hell... Hopefully you will get there first.

Current Mood: Hungry, Angry.
Faithless is she that says farewell when the road darkens.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...