..In the Crosshairs...

I am sick of fighting, sometimes I feel that being around people completely is my weakness, i can and will walk away one of these days... I'm sick of explaining to strangers my actions and choices and being expected to fucking deal with them, there is only one person i care about, i Am sick of placing other's that i care about because of someone's selfishness but the truth is I am the only one responsible for placing anyone in the cross hairs.. however... i am sick of feeling guilty when full disclosure and information was shared, only fucking god can judge me... Only He has ever seen the life I have lived and the Hell I have had to fucking experience.. My decisions are my own and I take full accountability for them, but sometimes it's better and the more honorable thing to walk away.. and i have options, I am not tied to being here... why should I be If it causes damage to both me, my son, my life and others. Sometimes the better thing is to walk away. Should have done it years ago and never looked back.. one foot in the past will end up one foot in the grave. I'm sick of fighting for everything I worked so hard to have, i can leave the province I can go home to windsor... What the fuck am doing here fighting battles for other people... there is no reason I should be fighting this battle alone, everyone I ever gives a damn about betrays me or dissapears anyways... I'm better off alone, the fucking Nomad warrior, the life i chose years ago.. putting down roots was idiotic... who the fuck am I to think my life will ever fucking change... It's just the same shit diffrent fucking day..it's the war I was bred for.. the war I have been fighting since my early childhood... but i should be fighting alone for me.. not with anyone else involved, I'm seriously considering walking away from it all.. maybe that's what i need to do.. but when I do it, It will be on my time and My Decision and not because of pressure by others who don't have the slightest idea of whats going on. Stand with me or stand against me.. either that or get the fuck out of my way.

Current Mood: Angry.
However bad a man, he will have some friends: however good, he will have some enemies.

Men of sense often learn from their enemies. It is from their foes, not their friends, that cities learn the lesson of building high walls and ships of war.

I have always paid attention to the merits of my enemies, and found it an advantage.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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