Creeping Darkness

I am Sick of sitting around Just waiting for my life to change, I sit patiently waiting for things to change and then i have had people take advantage of my situation to exploit me... i've done nothing fucking wrong and i feel so much more like a prisoner in my own life...i should let the darkness consume me and the anger and the rage overtake.... If I was a lesser man it would have happened already but you know what i've always tried to be the person that I am and always will be, but i can look back on the past and realize so many things about myself and my emotions and realize their's really no reason for me to have fucking kept them in check.... every-time i do it's another betrayal another stab in the fucking back.... at least the reality is i am at a fucking point in my life where i am about to close down and only have the important people in my life surrounding me, everyone else can fuck off...care and respect for those that have not earned it are futile emotions... i know i've made mistakes in my life and I gladly own up to them but when i have had emotional vampires surrounding me for so long it's time to cut them off.. i don't need greedy people in my life or the kind of people who only need me when they need something.... they want to see the real fucking me... here I am, here you are not.. that's the way things are going to be from now on..

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: Creeping Death, Metallica
There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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