Days of Future Past II

It's time to Start over again and cut poison's out of my life that should never have been there in the first place, it's very telling that certain parts of my life are stuck in an endless loop and the same people or personality types keep creeping their way in... i seriously think that this next step will end up being a step forward and a step back, but it is time to take reflection and listen to the people that matter and let their voices be important rather than the voices in my own head and the voices of other's that only have their own interests at heart... It's time to just be for me, and about me.. I have one goal left in this fucking life and that should be the only thing I'm focused on, I should be far removed from other persons interpersonal bullshit and their sad and pathetic life... I have my own sad and pathetic life to focus on.. this isn't my darkest hour but it is damn close, i have had to suffer an indignity that i have never had to face before... it's not so much the knife to the back or the assault, but it is the fact that everything about this is wrong.. sometimes being the gentleman and being the right person or the better person is the wrong decision, sometimes being a creature of rage is exactly who I should be when dealing with certain people... i can handle my anger.. i just should focus it better.. if i had been smart i would have applied my rage in a positive direction after the initial incident, but then again if i had been the person i am and always have been without letting my guard down i would never have let some idiot get into my life without so many red flags..not a partner, not a friend, just a user and i let my self get suckered... i have no one to blame but myself.

Current Mood: Angry.
The future is not set. I’ve been told I said that once. Many years from now. It was a warning. That I was going to hell. But if I fought hard enough, I could escape. I believed it for a lifetime. Now I pray I was wrong. Because now I am in hell. We all are. And the future I used to dread is the only hope I have left.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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