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Lonely Road of Faith....


For far too many years I have had faith in us one day, and maybe finally, it might have paid off. I am so sorry it took me so fucking long. We just lost our way, maybe we've found it agian. Baby steps. I'm not rushing.

I look back on choices made and I have regrets, maybe I read you wrong. Maybe I should have done things differently.

We do fight, we hold grudges, and I don't know where this is going. I have faith in us but we have torn strips off of each other for years and weaponized our other relationships agianst each other. We keep going down that fucking rabbit hole I don't care how much fucking faith I have in the fact this might work if I let you in... You tearing me apart about things from a decade ago because I was lonely and missing you and needing companionship, that's not fair. If you wanted to be there you would have been. I am done feeling guilty for things I haven't done.  I may love you, I may have expected this day to come a lot sooner than it did. I did try to be with you, but I wasn't going to spend all those years in the wilderness alone. That's not how this works.

You expected forgiveness but then give me no quarter when you ask questions about my life, I told you I'd be honest. I never said you'd like my brutal honesty. Just because I said I don't want to hurt you agian means I'm not going to lie to spare you're feelings when you ask me a direct question. You weren't there. You didn't give me a chance.

I have faith in us, I always will. But I'm done pretending that I wasn't alone and hurting for a long time when it came to you.

I was always on the outside looking in. And you know damn well know it. You had the only things I wanted or valued in my life, you, you're heart and my son. And you controlled all of them. You still do.

You are my muse, you are my storm. You inspire me on both extremes, I either have to be in passionate love with or passionate anger, there is no in between. We are either at each other's throats or we are lovers. There isn't any other options for us.

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