Skip to main content

Dead like Me...

I know, because I was like you once. Bitter. Alone. Mad as Hell. But I didn't let it consume me. I put it to work.

There are days the depression is overwhelming and the only thing that stops it is you're voice. I don't think you will ever understand that and how broken I have been all these years that we have been apart.

I have tried to destroy myself for so fucking long I do not think I know any other course of action when you are not in my life or worse when I think you are angry with me or hate me. Maybe I deserve to be hated. Maybe I deserve to be gone. But for some stupid reason I'm still standing. I'm still here.

I am having issues I haven't had in a long time about you not being a full time part of my life. It hurts to feel that I am so fucking disposable to you and my son's life. I wonder in a few months if I should seriously look for a fresh start and never look back. He's a man now he doesn't need me. And you've made it clear you only want me on you're fucking terms. Even tho I only ever do things on my terms. I'm willing to meet you halfway. But I'm not sacrificing my principles either.

This isn't the way love is supposed to be.


Current Mood: depressed.

current music: worth fighting for, Judas Priest

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more