Skip to main content

Dead like Me...

I know, because I was like you once. Bitter. Alone. Mad as Hell. But I didn't let it consume me. I put it to work.

There are days the depression is overwhelming and the only thing that stops it is you're voice. I don't think you will ever understand that and how broken I have been all these years that we have been apart.

I have tried to destroy myself for so fucking long I do not think I know any other course of action when you are not in my life or worse when I think you are angry with me or hate me. Maybe I deserve to be hated. Maybe I deserve to be gone. But for some stupid reason I'm still standing. I'm still here.

I am having issues I haven't had in a long time about you not being a full time part of my life. It hurts to feel that I am so fucking disposable to you and my son's life. I wonder in a few months if I should seriously look for a fresh start and never look back. He's a man now he doesn't need me. And you've made it clear you only want me on you're fucking terms. Even tho I only ever do things on my terms. I'm willing to meet you halfway. But I'm not sacrificing my principles either.

This isn't the way love is supposed to be.


Current Mood: depressed.

current music: worth fighting for, Judas Priest

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...