Skip to main content

The Fight Song.


All I know how to do with you is fight. Yet you think after 20+ years I won't fucking fight for you. I try to have patience so we don't rush into the wrong fucking decision but I am fighting for you. I expect you to betray me so I don't fight you very fucking hard. But I do fight.

You have drained the willingness to do anything from my soul and you expect me to be the boy I once was, instead of the bitter broken shell of a man that I am now. There is no middle ground. All that's left is what you couldn't destroy or take away from me. Love that. Not you're ideal of that man I used to be. He's dead. He's gone.

All that's left is the warrior who never gave up. Everything else was stripped the fuck away in a moment where you decided I was disposable. The feeling I get constantly when you decide you don't need me. I know you'll be back so I patiently wait, but I'm just a fucking sucker for that.

I think I liked it better when I was at war with you.

I don't know where I stand with you and as usual I'm just fucking fine with that. But it gets harder and harder every time you play this game. It would be easier if I didn't love you but I do. That's what complicates things. Its so much easier when we hate each other.

I was happy in thorold, but I got sick of waiting for you to be a part of my life. Kinda like exactly where we are now. Its you're decision, you've made that abundantly clear but I shouldn't have to go to the extremes I do just to get you to consider it. If you love me, love me... Enough of the bullshit

.

I'm done fighting you, but I will never be done fighting for you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
Post a Comment
Read more