Skip to main content

Scar Tissue


16 years ago today I made a mistake, one I don't think you will ever forgive me for. But it was the only choice I had back then. Maybe I read you wrong and I should have sacrificed everything I was in that moment and just bought you the ring then, I'm sorry I didn't. I think we might have been happier but I had no reason to trust you let alone still love you. I'm sick of being betrayed, then as in now. I love you but I don't trust you, and you have had many chances to change things but you make the decisions and then blame me for the eventual repercussions. I'm still here, I'm still trying to love you, bit I'm not going to be the one you blame for everything anymore. You made a decision the same as I did to set things in motion. We could have fixed this a long time ago. You chose not to.

Now I'm just trying to fix it with whatever time we have left. Yeah I may regret decisions made. But I don't look back on them as a complete mistake. I may have been happier as you might have been or we might be even more broken and shattered than we already are.

At the end of the day my biggest worry is the same as it has always been. I am sorry that I hurt you, but I don't know how to back down from you, only to walk away. I'm fucking good at it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more