Skip to main content

New Years Day...


For the first time in many years I have hope about this day rather than fucking dreading it. I have made a major change in my life and my circumstances and where I stand. Let's see if she reciprocates. It felt really good to buy her a belated xmas gift yesterday. With no expectations.

I don't know where this year is gonna lead but I feel that it's going to be different than the last few. For once I accomplished all the goals I set out last year and I'm looking forward to some I plan to set this year.

I reflect on my life and there is one true constant. 20+ years and one person stands out. Whether it was love or war you were always there in my life... That's gotta stand for something... It's come around to love agian... It's something to say that I do think you are the only person outside of my son that will ever mourn me.

Sixteen years I've carried this grudge and it's lifted. I don't know where things are going and I don't fucking expect anything to change. But the status quo isn't what it once was and that's a good thing.  There are still a lot of fucking questions and games between us and it may never go back to what it was. But it's no longer whatever that came next after that last new years eve.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more